We know that whatever you think, you bring about...and...you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. However, we have a difficult time controlling what and how we think and it is hard for people to find the voice of guidance within.
The books below written by consciousness author, therapist, doctor and spiritual teacher David Hawkins, MD, PhD are a good place to begin your journey to listen to the voice within. And a good place to help you allow your perceptions to evolve is to find yourself a professional to guide you in your self development efforts.
Spiritual breakthroughs in consciousness and choice happen in phases according to Hawkins. "You could say, in general, [that] you transcend the various levels. Each one is preparatory and opens the way to the next level. You go through a state of universal lovingness, in which you break into tears all the time. You go into a state of joy and ecstasy, and in those states you can't function. Once the ecstasy subsides, the divinity of the presence of infinite timeless peace shines forth. In that state, you need nothing from the world, nor does life need to go--it makes no difference. But then comes love, and love says, 'Yes, but you would be short-circuiting the purpose of being here.' So love returns and continues the conversation."
"The butterfly flies because that is what a butterfly does, but it doesn't sing a song. Conversation is our being what we are: talkingness. The questions you are asking are already happening on their own, and you become aware of 'Oh, I just asked that' 1/10,000 of a second after the phenomenon. With full enlightenment, that 1/10,000 of a second disappears, and suddenly you are transformed into a different dimension of existence. The delay between a that and a me disappears, and that which you are is all there is."