Coaching Tip: The Leadership Blog

Thinking of Happiness?

Since we get what we think, it's better to think of happiness in terms of leading a meaningful life.

Happiness isn't based on genes or luck.  Psychologists now believe it's a learned skill.  In fact, Harvard's how-to-be-happy course, with more than 850 enrollees, has become the university's most popular class. 

The first lesson is to embrace your failures and frustrations.  "When you give yourself permission to be human," says course instructor and psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, "you are more likely to open yourself up to positive emotions."

Nearly a dozen studies show that happier people live longer.  They're also less likely to suffer heart attacks, strokes, and pain from conditions like rheumatoid arthritis.  Plus, Carnegie Mellon researchers found that people who express positive emotions come down with fewer colds and flus after being exposed to the viruses than those who express negative emotions like anger, sadness or stress.

Those who refer to themselves as positive psychologists have found that such simple acts as being grateful for what you have can help improve your outlook.  "We need to look for happiness in the right places," Ben-Sharhar says.  The bottom line is: we only find what we are looking for in life.

Source: U.S. News & World Report, www.USNews.com December 25, 2006 

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Ask the Coach: I'm not happy at work.

All of Our Decisions Are Emotional

Practicing Thought Leadership

Many successful male and female executives possess significant expertise that they have practiced but haven't captured and shared with others.

They haven't used their well developed intellectual and social capital to mentor emerging leaders.  Yet, the strength of their proven ideas and concepts could be valuable in teaching others to develop their leadership capability. 

For example, three decades after droves of women started business careers, and at a time when fifty percent of all managers and professionals are female, women still comprise fewer than two percent of Fortune 1,000 CEOs and just eight percent of Fortune 500 top earners. The glass ceiling remains unbroken.

The challenge is to help women climb the corporate ladder with leadership development programs, flexible work arrangements and other practices that recognize their unique talents and needs.  You can support this effort as a thought leader who provides one proven intellectual or social capital building idea that could move a woman manager up one rung of the corporate ladder.

What guidance can you give to help women break through the glass ceiling?

Casualization of the Workplace

In the 1980s, the day wasn't over for career women until the sheer, nude-colored pantyhose was off. 

Today, there is a generation gap between women who remember a time when stockings and pumps were required workplace attire and women in the 20-to-35-year-old range who show greater interest in alternatives like leggings, tights, trouser socks and even thigh high hosiery.

The casualization of the workplace and a 24/7 mentality have given women more options as to what they wear and less options as to the hours they are available for office communication.  "The traditional waist-high pantyhose garment thrived in the 1980s, it was at a peak," said Sally Kay, president and chief executive of the Hosiery Association, a Charlotte-based trade organization.  "But with the onset of the Internet in the '90s, and the ability to work from home, that's when we start to see sales decline."

"Pantyhose feels frumpy and old to younger generations," said Clare Sauro, assistant curator of accessories of The Museum at New York's Fashion Institute of Technology.  "Plus, if you've never worn pantyhose, you don't think to wear them now."

Source: The Associated Press 

Email Addicts

Compulsive use of gadgets like Blackberrys and Treos has become common in the American home and other areas of our personal lives.

Since people rarely leave home without a cell phone, even events that were once email-free are now susceptible to work communication.  Some mental health professionals report that the intrusion of mobile email gadgets and wireless technology into family life is a growing topic of discussion in therapy.  They have specific tips for dealing with the problem, like putting the device in a drawer during a set time period every day.

Here are some recommendations for email addicts that need to get a life:

1.  Do not check email during meals.

2.  Do not hide your email habits from family members.

3.  Commit to stop emailing while driving.

4.  Don't check email for the first hour of the day.

5.  Decide on an email-free block of time.

6.  When out spending time with your children or spouse, leave the mobile email device in the car or at home.  Jointly agree on maintaining this quality time as a sanctuary to enjoy your personal life together.

7.  Set boundaries at work when co-workers know that you will not be checking email...and...respect others' boundaries to be email-free.

8.  Ask yourself what's important at that moment: to enjoy after-work activities or getting work done.   Then practice a ritual that helps you mentally and emotionally separate the work day from the after-work day.

Source: The Wall Street Journal, December 8, 2006

How much is enough?

Ask someone who has assets of $3 million what amount of money is required to feel secure in life and the answer would be about $30 million.  Ask one who has $1 billion in assets the same question and you are likely to get a $3 billion answer. 

The Pursuit of Our Own Unrelenting Needs

Evolution does not produce creatures that will survive; it produces creatures that want to survive.  But you cannot know until you have died whether your efforts in life were meaningful and of value because the context of your prior acts is not fixed until the unpredictable moment of your death.

Yet, our greatest emotional fear is the fear of death.  Our emotional decisions govern why we vote for the politician who promises to protect us from the fear of terrorism...or...join the religion that promises us life after death...or...buy the big SUV with the front and side airbags that promises to save us from death in a crash.

If you cannot predict the future, it is sensible to continue adding to your surplus of offspring, wealth, and material goods even far beyond your needs, as an insurance policy against unexpected catastrophes such as severe droughts or floods, which will eliminate anyone without a surplus large enough to last until they end.

Even nonmaterial surpluses of kindness and good deeds can be drawn upon when one later needs help.  If the unthinkable never happens, your efforts will not have been in vain because they always add to your chances of survival and reproductive success in the near future or generations from now.  And as long as you maximized your potential, it really doesn't matter if you enjoyed the process.  Like Noah, who sacrificed and toiled to build and stock his ark, one prepares for the possible flood in order to survive it.

And yet with individual efforts to survive continuously undermining the common good, then what hope is there for peace?   Our behavior fluctuates between sensible and difficult to control, casting doubt on the possibility for peace.  At the same time, research using behavioral testing, psychophysiology, and even brain imaging shows that empathy and the impetus to help are greatly increased when one feels similar or familiar to another.

Source: Averting the Tragedy of the Commons by Stephanie D. Preston, University of Michigan assistant professor of psychology, in SHIFT, December 2006

More Mothers Staying Home

The importance of women's paychecks to their families has continued to rise, making it more challenging to manage the income loss when Mom stays at home.

The dropping out trend is most pronounced among mothers of children under age 1.  Work force participation rates of all married mothers of infants fell about eight percentage points to 51% in 2004 compared with 1997, analysis by the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows.

Women at all income levels are taking job breaks, not just the highly educated, prosperous moms examined in many recent studies.  And they are staying out of the work force for shorter periods.  This suggests parents are particularly intent on shepherding babies' crucial first year of growth.  However, the stay at home decisions are sparking radical changes in family life, reordering couples' work-home roles and bringing some households to a financial standstill, parents say. 

Here are some of the reasons women drop out of the work force after childbirth:

Desire to nurture babies in their first years

Poor quality of available child care and the high cost of acceptable child care

Lack of extended maternity leave and flexible return-to-work options

Decision to switch to a more family friendly career

Source: The Wall Street Journal, November 30, 2006