Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders.
I was able to succeed at work while going through a divorce and raising a wonderful boy and my friend felt that my story would inspire other women to realize their potential if they just went after it.
Once I decided to make the book my priority, all of my excuses disappeared.
When it came time to execute, I faced a difference set of challenges. I was completely overwhelmed because the task felt massive. The first thing I did was watch an online tutorial on how to write a book.
Opening up was difficult. Many times since I've started writing, I've thought about what the haters were going to say. As with so many things in life, facing fear is the real challenge. The fear of what others will think or say. The fear of hurting those close to me. The fear of failure.
I hope that you find something in this book that can help you as much as the experience helped me. If I can teach just one person how to build their confidence and realize they are not alone when struggling through life, then this was all worth it. I wish you all the best of luck.
Author Heather Monahan
Confidence Creator: ISBN 9781544500737 in Paperback and 9781544500744 in Ebook.
“By understanding myself, to understand others: I want to be all that I am capable of becoming.” Katherine Mansfield
Let’s face it: you are the most interesting and important subject in the entire world. You will always be at or near the center of your world. It’s a comfortable place to be! So, one of the most exciting—and, often, one of the most intimidating—experiences lies in gaining a fuller understanding of just who you are.
Life is a perpetual process of becoming. To truly understand ourselves, we need to understand how we view ourselves, how others view us, and how we truly interact with others, not how we think we interact. Self-understanding means knowing what we need and how we desire to grow. It starts with two simple questions:
Do I like who I am?
Am I happy with the person I am becoming?
To answer honestly, we need to have crystal-clear insight into the person who bears our name and Social Security number.
We consciously as well as unconsciously create our own reality through our thoughts (what we tell ourselves), our emotions (how we feel), and our behaviors (how we act). If we are to become self-aware, we must be able to understand our thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Our ability to live the life we desire will depend on our level of self awareness, the thoughts we think, the choices we make, and the behavior we display.
Sociologists tell us that human beings see two ways: First, with our eyesight; secondly, with our minds (this is called insight). We know what we see in the mirror. Insight is a little more challenging. Insight takes into consideration what makes us unique. If we are truly courageous, we will do a little research and take a good look at how our attitudes and actions are perceived by others.
Remember, attitude is always reflected in our behavior toward others. We won’t be remembered by others for our determination or our dedication. We will be remembered by the way we made other people feel about themselves.
Since our entire lives are controlled by our attitudes, we must recognize the fact that our perceptions are involved in everything we think and do. A person cannot think negatively about another person and then feel good about their relationship. So, if we want successful relationships and successful lives, it is our responsibility to control what goes on in our minds. We need to monitor our “mind chatter” and alter our internal storytelling when it’s necessary. Napoleon Hill was right when he said, “Keep your mind on the things you want and off the things you don’t want.”
Self-awareness requires us to recognize our personal energy fluctuations because they determine how we respond physically and mentally. Some of us tend to get shrill and whine when we’re tired. Others shut down and withdraw into silence. We each have different patterns, so we each need to recognize our own individual responses. Although subtle, managing our energy peaks and lows is a creative way to become more effective. Others will know if we face a situation that is difficult or irritating, and they will reward or condemn us for our response. For instance:
One writer we know took her daughter to the mall at the end of a very long and frustrating day. The clerks were struggling to fix the cash machine and the check-out line grew longer and longer, the clock seemed to tick faster and faster, and our friend’s patience grew very thin. When she finally reached the counter, only to discover the machine had broken down once again, she opened her mouth to say something withering. Fortunately, before she had a chance to unload her frustration, the clerk asked her if she was an author. She looked surprised and nodded.
“You were so nice—you signed six of your books for my kids,” the clerk said, smiling. “They love your books.”
Our friend smiled back and left the store vowing never to get irritable or short-tempered in public again. “You never know where you’ll meet someone who will recognize you,” she pointed out when she confessed that story. “I’m fifty years old and I’m still learning valuable lessons about life.”
It’s important to remind ourselves that we will be judged, for good or ill, based on our behavior. One simple way to make things easier for us is to plan our schedule so we interact with others when we are at our peak in energy—our writer friend probably should have scheduled a shopping trip with her daughter on another day.
Therein lies one important secret to maintaining successful relationships: energy management.
Energy management means playing to our strengths, recognizing when we’re capable of doing our best, and using those times productively. We need to learn and abide by a vital lesson: Don’t allow unimportant activities to swallow up our best working hours—we need to budget them, allocate them, and dedicate them for the important things.
Most of us spend our high-energy times dealing with the things that might be urgent, but may not be important. We finish the easy things on our “To Do” list because it feels good to cross off a long line of items. But the things we’re crossing off may not be the things that will help us achieve our goals. We need to keep those goals in mind constantly. When we allow interruptions during our peak times and when we procrastinate—leaving the big jobs until we are under a time crunch—we are showing the classic signs of poor time management. And when that happens, it’s almost guaranteed that unexpected events will pop up and wreak havoc with our schedule and our stress levels.
Many of us have suffered from a chronic case of under-planning and over-scheduling at one time or another.
Some of us are experts at it! Despite our optimism and experience, “To Do” list items almost always take longer to complete than we anticipate. So, if we wait too long to tackle the important jobs, we find ourselves burning the midnight oil, neglecting a pleasurable activity we’d been anticipating, or losing time with a friend or family member. And then we wonder why we feel stressed!
The solution is simple. We need to study our peak performance periods and make the best use of them.
These blocks of time need to be set aside for our biggest and most important tasks. This is the time when we feel energetic and refreshed, most capable of focusing on those things that are most important or require our undivided attention. Most of us will have at least two of these peak periods during the day. Many of us know if we’re morning people or night people, but sometimes we don’t stop to identify our two (or three!) most productive high-energy times.
We also need to identify our low-performance or less-than-peak- performance periods. These are the blocks of time when we plan to do activities that don’t require much focus or energy such as answering emails, returning phone calls, scheduling routine meetings, talking about staff issues, etc.
In order to perform at our best, we all need to re-energize and re-charge our batteries on a regular basis, not just during vacations and national holidays. Many people use early mornings, late afternoons, or early evenings to catch their breath, take a break, meditate, pray, think, or otherwise plan. These are also ideal times to spend with the family, reading, listening to music, watching TV, or enjoying exercise or a hobby.
Travel days offer golden opportunities to re-energize. Don’t waste the hours waiting in an airport lobby or driving a car. Use those times to think, plan, jot down ideas, read a good book, or catch up with someone or something. When we do, we find ourselves feeling prepared, fit, and rested for the meeting or event that arrives at the end of the trip. Often we can do our best creative thinking when we capture “loose” time and tame it.
More than fifty years after the start of the modern Women's Movement, women in the United States are still not "making it" in traditional male careers.
Women start their careers in numbers comparable to men but as they move up the career ladder, they are severely underrepresented at every level, with the disparity greatest at the most senior levels.
Your Attitudes Matter
As a woman seeks career advancement, she should have two basic objectives: first, to be noticed as someone who is competent, confident, and capable of handling tasks and situations expected of positions senior to the one she now holds.
The second objective is to prevent her competence, confidence, and capability from being seen as characteristic of a pushy, unpleasant, and socially insensitive woman who is violating traditional gender stereotypes.
There is an obvious tension in these objectives, for it is hard to get yourself noticed as a leader without also being noticed as a woman who is not conforming to gender stereotypes. This tension is one of the primary reasons achieving a full measure of career success is so problematic for so many women.
By writing together, Andie and Al are able to offer the unique dual perspective on critical issues. While their advice is specifically addressed to talented, ambitious women, it is also aimed at men--particularly men in senior leadership positions who are in a position to help.
Divided into four parts,BREAKING THROUGH BIAS, first lays out the common gender stereotypes that both men and women have; addresses the conversations women have and need to have with themselves; details how to communicate to convey confidence, competence, and social sensitivity; and finally, specific tips to communicating in different situations.
There is a scarcity of women in top leadership within Corporate America.
Despite years of progress in the workforce, only 6% of women hold titles of chairman, president, chief executive officer and chief operating officer in Fortune 500 companies...and...only 15% of the seats on the boards of directors are held by women.
Resistance to Women's Leadership
Study after study has affirmed that people associate women and men with different traits and link men with more of the traits that connote leadership. Many female leaders struggle to reconcile qualities people prefer in women (compassion for others) with qualities people think leaders need to succeed (assertion and control).
Kim Campbell, who briefly served as the prime minister of Canada in 1993, described the tension that results:
"I don't have a traditionally female way of speaking...I'm quite assertive. If I didn't speak the way I do, I wouldn't have been seen as a leader. But my way of speaking may have grated on people who were not used to hearing it from a woman. It was the right way for a leader to speak, but it wasn't the right way for a woman to speak. It goes against type."
People view successful female managers as more deceitful, pushy, selfish, and abrasive than successful male managers. Men are associated with qualities which convey assertion and control. They include being especially aggressive, ambitious, dominant, self-confident, and forceful, as well as self-reliant and individualistic. These traits are also associated in most people's minds with effective leadership--perhaps because a long history of male domination of leadership roles has made it difficult to separate the leader associations from the male associations. As a result, women leaders find themselves in a bind.
Studies have gauged reactions to men and women engaging in various types of dominant behavior. The findings are quite consistent. Verbally intimidating others can undermine a woman's influence, and assertive behavior can reduce her chances of getting a job or advancing in her career. Simply disagreeing can sometimes get women into trouble. Men who disagree or otherwise act dominant get away with it more often than women do. Men can use bluster to get themselves noticed but modesty is expected even of highly accomplished women.
It all amounts to a clash of leadership assumptions when the average person confronts a woman in management. Female leaders often struggle to cultivate an appropriate and effective leadership style--one that reconciles qualities people prefer in women with the qualities people think leaders need to succeed. In the words of a female leader, "I think that there is a real penalty for a woman who behaves like a man. The men don't like her and the women don't either."
Women leaders worry a lot about these things....because leaders must establish themselves as role models by gaining followers' trust and confidence. They state future goals, and innovate, even when their organizations are generally successful. Such leaders mentor and empower followers, encouraging them to develop their full potential and thus to contribute more effectively to their organizations. Such leaders manage to clarify subordinates' responsibilities, rewarding them for meeting objectives, and correcting them for failing to meet objectives. This takes a lot of face time on-the-job and off-the-job.
Building Relationships and Social Capital
In contrast, women are still the ones who interrupt their careers to handle work/family trade-offs. Overloaded, they lack time to engage in the social networking essential to advancement. Perhaps, the most destructive result of the work/family balancing act is that it leaves very little time for socializing with colleagues and building professional networks.
The social capital that accrues from such "nonessential" parts of work turns out to be quite essential indeed. One study yielded the following description of managers who advanced rapidly in hierarchies: Fast-track managers "spent relatively more time and effort socializing, politicking, and interacting with outsiders than did their less successful counterparts...[and]...did not give much time or attention to the traditional management activities of planning, decision making, and controlling or to the human resource management activities of motivating/reinforcing, staffing, training/developing, and managing conflict." This suggests that social capital is even more necessary to managers' advancement than skillful performance of traditional managerial tasks.
The call of family responsibilities is mainly to blame for women's underinvestment in networking. When time is scarce, this social activity is the first thing to go by the wayside. Women can gain from strong and supportive mentoring and coaching relationships and connections with powerful networks. When a well-placed individual who possesses greater legitimacy (often a man) takes an interest in a woman's career, her efforts to build social capital can proceed far more efficiently.
"As they become globally integrated, companies are becoming more diverse and inclusive, eliminating barriers for women and minorities and accommodating cultural differences. These companies understand that to succeed their work force needs to be as diverse as their customers. Over the past 10 years, IBM has seen a 393 percent increase in the number of its women executives."
Emily Benner, development director of IBM Systems and Technology Group, is active in mentoring IBM employees and students within the community, and is a board member of the Rochester (MN) Convention and Visitors Bureau.
Sources: 1. Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership by Alice H. Eagly and Linda L. Carli in the Harvard Business Review, September 2007 2. "Math, science mentors build future economy" by Emily Benner in the Post-Bulletin, Rochester, MN 2/19/2008
Perhaps, you know of women managers, where you work or within your personal network, that are ready to start doing things slightly different in order to achieve the success they deserve.
It is all well and good to be told to lean in, but in reality, nearly two-third of Americans believe that women continue to face barriers to career advancement, and statistics show that more than 75% of millennial women identify gender bias as a workplace problem.
On the flipside, women ran 4.2% of companies in the Standard & Poor's 500 Index as of December 2015. While these women encountered a variety of setbacks in their career, their challenges often provided useful leadership lessons that helped propel their ascent and success.
Drawing on interviews with present or former female CEOs of Hewlett-Packard, Hearst Magazine, Avon, Sara Lee, Campbell Soup, Ogilvy & Mather, and many other companies, EARNING IT author Joann Lublin gleans important lessons from these women's trailblazing business achievements. Their experiences offer a road map that will enable other women to find their way when it comes to launching their career.
Women keen to get ahead must learn to manage men well, especially those who don't want to be managed by women.
Nowadays, executive women managers rarely face openly hostile resistance from their male deputies. Yet, their career progress continues to be slowed as a result of less obvious sex-role stereotypes, which "manifest themselves in all kinds of subtle and not-so-subtle ways," says Robin J. Ely, a Harvard Business School professor who specializes in gender issues.
Using street smarts, a sense of humor, strong belief in themselves, and empathetic ability to walk in their employee's shoes, the women who share their wisdom in EARNING IT crafted innovative approaches that helped them win at work.
By Guest Author, Jennifer Risi, Global Chief Communications Officer & Managing Director, Ogilvy Media Influence --- Ogilvy Public Relations
“Mentors give you perspective. Sponsors give you opportunities.” Cate Huston
The importance of sponsorship
While mentors are essential, women need to make sponsors a requirement to boost their careers. These two roles are often confused but are vastly different.
According to a 2011 Harvard Business Review special report, sponsors give advice, protect, promote, prepare and develop leaders, and they help build one’s reputation.
How to look for a sponsor
Seek powerfully positioned executives and yes you need more than one. It’s important to find those who have the influence to appoint future leaders. Look for a sponsor who will provide critical feedback, will take time to develop you professionally, and is willing to be your advocate.
There are several ways to locate sponsors. Make efforts to broaden your connections in order to widen your selection of influencers.
Your current workplace is an easy target for locating sponsors. Joining an external professional network consisting of influential leaders is also a good opportunity to cultivate relationships. Another option that is not as traditional is joining an advisory board with an organization that shares your passion possibly one your employer is currently involved in.
But it’s not as simple as selecting a sponsor and jump starting your journey. It begins with earning trust, proving you have what it takes through your talent and the willingness to do more than what is expected.
Keep in mind, you may not always share the same values but as long as the sponsors possess the qualities described, it’s all that matters.
Someone who has taken careful consideration to sponsor an individual is expecting results. It is your responsibility to showcase your strengths and take risks. Make it a point to speak up in meetings and presentations. Take credit for, and promote your achievements. Learn new skills and find ways to apply them to your job. Ask for the challenging assignments. Sponsors will take notice and there’s a benefit for them too. Sponsors are acquiring leadership skills, they help retain talent within the organization and they learn to recognize and promote future leaders.
There’s no downside to having a mentor and they are a benefit regardless of where you are in your career. In fact, you may end up with a lifelong friend. But if you find a sponsor who is willing to take a vested interest in your development in order for you to thrive, I urge you to jump at the opportunity.
Ogilvy PR's Elizabeth Carrion contributed to this blog.
Girls and career women are faced with many new challenges today, from the pressure to fit in at school or work to being included and "liked" on social media and in the cyber world.
The "Total Package Girl" is a new interactive book for every girl living through the challenges of growing up in the 21st century.
"This is a guide to help girls and women love themselves be positive, steer clear of negative influences, feel powerful and live a fit, healthy and fun life," author Kristi Hoffman said. "It helps girls build confidence, knowledge and trust in themselves, develop strong communication skills, and create a master plan for living their dreams."
The Total Package Girl has an aura, an essence, a charisma. She seems amazing in a friendly yet irresistible sort of way. Before you get to know her, you observe that everyone likes her and enjoys being near her in a "want to be around her because she is awesome" way.
Many women struggle with assertiveness, but if you’re prone to anxiety and avoidance, it is especially difficult.
While assertiveness is focused on speaking up in a specific situation, our overall ability and willingness to communicate is influenced to a large part by our past relationship experiences, particularly those with our early caregivers. This emotional bond with another person is called an attachment.
Our early attachment relationships provide a template for future relationships. Though of course not guaranteed to dictate behavior, this template guides how we see ourselves, how much we trust others, what strategies we use to manage our emotions, and how confident we are in sharing ourselves. Our attachment style influences our comfort level and skill level when it comes to being assertive.
When you’re assertive, you’re able to communicate your needs and wishes clearly while respecting yourself and anyone else involved in the interaction.
But when you aren’t assertive, you may stop yourself from saying anything when your needs aren’t being met, or end up lashing out in hostile or hurtful ways.
People with different attachment styles struggle with being assertive for different reasons, and even women with a secure attachment style may have difficulty expressing emotion when faced with challenging circumstances.
Whether you’re anxious and overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions, become avoidant and struggle to identify your emotions, or otherwise have difficulty expressing yourself, “The Assertiveness Guide for Women,” will help you become more aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and empower you to ask for what you need, set boundaries, and speak your truth for a more fulfilling life.
Kaya Singer, author of the book “Wiser and Wilder,” says that success comes to those who focus on being authentic, in the right circle of people, in a balanced and actualized way, with a strong voice.
Her new book is designed to help people ready to walk a soulful path and that manifests their vision with the right people. “Finding your tribe is perhaps one of the most important steps to focus on in business,” she says.
Your tribe is made up of all the people who love your business, products, services, and you. It’s your fans, current and potential customers and clients, and your colleagues. They enjoy hearing what you’re up to, and they spread the word to others about your business. It’s just as true now as it has been down through the ages: women thrive in circles with other women.
Here are seven important key ways to grow your tribe:
Search for Women’s Networking Groups and Business Clubs in your local area.
Do online searches through the social media channels.
Tap in and take advantage of your own networks.
Set up coffee or tea dates with women you meet and feel a connection toward.
Start your own Meet Up group and invite people to come.
Go to a local tea shop or café with your lap top and work from there.
Build a community on social media.
Join groups on social media.
Start your own small Mastermind Group.
Look for ways you can promote others.
Connecting with supportive people not only helps build your business, but it builds real community, plus it helps you to grow personally as an individual; this is particularly helpful if you tend to be more introverted.
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Despite years of progress in the workforce,
