Career Women Coaching

Jackie Revisited

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis lived her life with poise, grace and zest regardless of any pain or disappointment.  In her words, which are quoted in Andrew Roberts' essay on self-awareness:

But I have had lots of happy moments, as well.  Every moment one lives is different from the other.  The good, the bad, the hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love, and happiness are all interwoven into one single indescribable whole that is called life.  You cannot separate the good from the bad.  And perhaps there is no need to do so, either.

This First Lady's leadership skills are often overlooked.

A commemorative edition of "WHAT JACKIE TAUGHT US: Lessons from the Remarkable Life of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis" by Tina Santi Flaherty was originally published in 2004.  A new and expanded edition not only includes the original lessons drawn from Jackie's life about how to live but also features new essays with insights and observations from many notable individuals sharing the ways in which Jackie's life influenced them--and society at large--over the past several decades.

Senator Edward M. Kennedy's special tribute to his sister-in-law at her funeral on May 23, 1994 included these words:

"She was always there, for all our family, in her special way.  She was a blessing to us and to the nation--and a lesson to the world on how to do things right, how to be a mother, how to appreciate history, how to be courageous.

No one else looked like her, spoke like her, wrote like her, or was so original in the way she did things.  No one we knew ever had a better sense of self.

No one ever gave more meaning to the title of First Lady.  The nation's capital city looks as it does because of her.  She saved Lafayette Square and Pennsylvania Avenue.

Jackie brought the greatest artists to the White House, and brought the arts to the center of national attention.  Today, in large part because of her inspiration and vision, the arts are an abiding part of national policy.

And then, during those four endless days in 1963, she held us together as a family and a country.  In large part because of her, we could grieve and then go on.  She lifted us up, and in the doubt and darkness, she gave here fellow citizens back their pride as Americans.  She was then thirty-four years old.

Afterward, as the eternal flame she lit flickered in the autumn of Arlington Cemetery, Jackie went on to do what she most wanted--to raise Caroline and John, and warm her family's life and that of all the Kennedys. 

She once said that if you "bungle raising your children nothing else much matters in life."  She didn't bungle.  Once again, she showed how to do the most important thing of all and do it right."

Source:   Tina Santi Flaherty: What Jackie Taught Us: Lessons from the Remarkable Life of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

 

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Maximize Your Energy

Most of us don't have enough reserve energy to fuel the super-productivity we may wish to achieve in the time available.  This energy drain often stems from the growing societal demand to literally make every second count. 

According to a study from the Future Foundation (a London-based think tank), we are rapidly approaching a 24-hour society.  "Information technology makes it possible to operate around the clock, increasing the pressure to do so," says an article in the Futurist.  The result is increased customer demand to have services available at all hours.  Coping with this frantic pace can be draining.

Here are some ideas for increasing your energy levels:

1.  Get a check-up.   Fatigue is a symptom, not a disease.  Therefore, if you suffer from constant fatigue, a trip to your family physician may be a good idea. 

The causes of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) are not well understood.  Neither are the treatments.  However, as the name implies, those who suffer from CFS are chronically exhausted and need specialized medical attention.

If you're wasting time every day because you're just too tired to concentrate or focus, see your doctor.  There may very well be a medical reason for your fatigue.

2.  Eat light and right.  Big meals can make you sleepy.  What is the reason?  Depending on your diet, 50 to 80 percent of the energy produced by digesting food is consumed by the act of digestion itself.  The more energy that digestion takes, the less energy the food provides the rest of the body.  It takes more energy to digest cooked and processed food and much less to digest fruits, vegetables, grains and nuts.  Try to eat more of the latter.  They're easier on your digestive system and you gain more energy from them.

3.  Reduce caffeine and sugar.  Caffeine and sugar aren't particularly healthy.  However, many people use both as short-term energy boosters--in moderation.  Sugar has virtually no nutritional value.  Eating sugar tends to rob the body of its nutrient stores.  It also causes drastic swings in blood sugar levels, stressing the adrenal glands.  Coffee, which can give you a temporary lift in energy, also weakens the adrenals.

4.  Get enough sleep.   Numerous studies indicate that most people need eight hours of sleep, yet an increasing number get far less.  We are working longer, staying up later, and getting up earlier.  Workers who sleep less so they can work more and get more done may in fact be accomplishing the opposite.  The National Sleep Foundation estimates overtired employees cost American business $18 billion annually in errors and slowness, according to an article in Forbes.

5.   "Finish every day and be done with it," advised poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.  "You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day, and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitation with the dread of the past.  You should not waste a moment of today on the rottenness of yesterday."

 Robert Bly: Make Every Second Count: Time Management Tips and Techniques for More Success With Less Stress

 John G. Agno: Women and Time

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What can happen when Working Moms face Burnout?

We are expected to accomplish a great deal in today's 24/7 world. 

Multitasking has become a byword for success these days. We scan the Internet while talking on the phone, then get interrupted by call-waiting. We make cell phone calls to schedule appointments when caught in traffic.  We text message friends while standing in line at the bank. While waiting for dinner to cook, we help kids with their math and jot down a list of things to do the next day. The myth that multitasking works has never been stronger.

Managing two mental tasks at once reduces the brainpower available for either task, according to a study published in the journal NeuroImage. Up to 30 percent of U.S. automobile crashes are caused by driver distractions involving mobile communication devices. 

 

Understand that you can choose to do several things at the same time, but know that you are kidding yourself if you think you can do them without cost. People who multitask are actually less efficient than those who focus on one project at a time, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology.  There is also the possibility that others above you will view your behavior as easily distractible and inconsistent.

What is burnout?

Burnout is a familiar term these days: it's the physical or emotional exhaustion that results from long-term stress or frustration. Chronic fatigue is a major symptom of burnout: one feels physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Behaviorally, the burnout worker becomes cynical, indifferent and increasingly ineffective in the job.

According to Herbert J. Freudenberger, the New York psychologist who coined the term in 1972, burnout describes a specific condition. It is an emotional state characterized by an overwhelming and enduring feeling of exhaustion or aggravation. Burnout is a condition that develops gradually as the person's creativity and effectiveness erode into fatigue, skepticism and an inability to function productively. 

Burnout is costly to both the individual and the organization

For the individual, burnout can lead to poor decision-making and a drop in work quality, productivity and morale. Studies show that the individuals most likely to develop burnout are well-educated, self-motivated and attracted to demanding jobs where the risks and rewards are high. This person is also the type who enjoys fostering change and adds value to a business. 

For the organization, costs include higher medical costs, increased employee turnover and higher absenteeism. It is estimated that in the United States more than half of the 550 million working days lost each year to absenteeism are stress-related. 

Source:   John Agno: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women 

  John G. Agno: Women and Time Management

 

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Stress Management

According to the American Psychological Association:

Three-quarters of Americans experience symptoms related to stress in a given month.

One-third of Americans feel they are living with extreme stress.

About one-half of Americans (48%) feel that their stress has increased in the past five years.

Money and work are the leading causes of stress (mentioned by 75% of Americans)

Corporate stress is one of the most common forms of stress in our society.  Public speaking, job security, lateral communication, absenteeism, meetings, time crunch/deadlines, performance reviews, quotas, budgets and phobias of crowds, closed spaces (elevators), and flying are among the top triggers of corporate stress.

Stress is simply a signal within your body that gives you the opportunity to identify and adjust your perception of any situation.  You are not a victim to life unless you choose to be, and many people who suffer from workplace stress fall into that category.

Stress has three main fuels: worry, fear and doubt. 

They act like little serpents that crawl into the lap of your life and wreak havoc emotionally, spiritually and physically.  Yet, what and how you chose to focus your energy in the face of stress makes all the difference.

Lauren E. Miller has learned this firsthand as she walked through two of life's top stressors at the same time---advanced cancer and divorce.  Through this experience, Lauren learned that one of the greatest positions of empowerment lies in the conscious choice to stay awake at the gate of your thoughts and prevent your body from identifying stress as a threat.

Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Lauren has created a "stress-free" relief manual with her new book, "5 Minutes to Stress Relief: How to Release Fear, Worry and Doubt."  With unique "Grab-and_Go" tips, Lauren provides the optimal foundation for both individuals and entire corporations to move forward into stress-free living in their workplace and personal space.

 Lauren Miller: 5 Minutes to Stress Relief: How to Release Fear, Worry, and Doubt...Instantly

  When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women

  Women and Time 

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Women and Self-Help

When Alastair Cunningham, Ph.D., and his colleagues at the Ontario Cancer Institute and the Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto conducted a study to see whether a psychological support could extend the lives of 66 women with metastatic breast cancer, they found no significant effect, but they noticed that seven patients who sought out healing approaches beyond the program lived significantly longer. 

This finding led to an in-depth study with 22 patients to determine how self-help correlated with survival.

The results: The patients who tended to change their whole lives in response to the diagnosis--and to work several hours a day meditating, exploring psychological work, exercise, and other self-help strategies, lived nearly three times longer than those
who came to therapy for support but did not pursue other avenues of personal transformation.  Two of these highly involved patients have had "complete, unexpected eight-year remissions."

Source: Sheldon Lewis, Editor, Advances in Mind-Body Medicine

 John G Agno: Women, Know Thyself: The most important knowledge is self-knowledge.

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Better life expectancy than men

Women usually have a longer life expectancy than men. The Administration on Aging’s 2011 statistics reveal that the sex ratio for persons aged 65 and over was 131 women for every 100 men, and this disparity increases with age, with 203 women for every 100 men, at age 85 and over. This in itself is a big reason to invest in insurance. Add to that the strides made by science and medicine, which increases the likelihood of women living up to a ripe old age, a good thing? Yes certainly! But that also increases the chances of women needing medical and long-term care in old age.  

Women earn less than men

It’s a fact! Women earn only about 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. There are numerous reasons for this. Women are the primary caregivers and more likely to quit jobs for childrearing and caring for family members. Women also hold lower paying jobs than men. This wage gap between the genders isn’t going away anytime soon. And because their income is much less, women don’t or are unable to save as much as they should. The irony is - because women earn less, they should be saving more than men and building a larger nest egg! This problem is compounded for women who are single, divorced, or widowed. 

As the sole breadwinner of the family

This happens primarily if the woman is single, divorced, or widowed and has family members who’re dependent on her. Even though it’s not a pleasant thought, imagine how your family would fend for themselves if something were to happen to you. As the sole or primary breadwinner of the family, you must make sure your family is provided for even if you aren’t around. CUNA Mutual and IntelliQuote, for instance provide different types of life insurance plans and investing in them is the best way to safeguard your family’s future. You might also want to consider a long-term care insurance policy through AccuQuote. 

It’s a misconception that women are bad financial managers. Family budgets are more often than not still managed by women. Being financially secure and on your feet will do wonders for your self-confidence, so take action today and plan for your future.  Do it for the sake of your children and family, and most importantly, do it for yourself!

 John Agno: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women

 John G Agno: Women, Know Thyself: The most important knowledge is self-knowledge.

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You Get What You Tolerate

"Any goal that forces you to labor, day after day and year after year,  so long and hard that you never have any time for yourself and those you love is not a goal but a sentence ... a sentence to a lifetime of misery, no matter how much wealth and success you attain."   Og Mandino

Are you surprised that you are getting what you tolerate?

In medicine, we look at how well a drug can be tolerated in respect to its side effects. At work and at home, many people evaluate their duties the same way --- how well certain aspects can be tolerated.

Often there can be a temptation to ignore some of the more upsetting aspects of life and work with the idea that we just don't need the aggravation of challenging the status quo.  Seeking painless solutions to life's tensions, repeating your own behavior that hasn't worked in the past, or taking the safe route for fear of a negative response is just not realistic.

Reflect on it.  If you have been tolerating a certain behavior to avoid conflict, it is very likely that what you have been tolerating has grown.  Just as energy is wasted by fretting about things that are not important, you waste valuable time by not addressing things that need to be addressed.  We are not saying you need to become overzealous in addressing every single little thing that bothers you.  Nor, are we are saying you need to be the bad cop or the intolerant parent.  To paraphrase Aristotle, seek to address the issues that are important to you, doing so at the right time, for the right reason and in the right way.

Putting it into Practice

Confront issues early.  Stay on top of problems and don't let them escalate.

Have a Plan.  Don't respond out of anger.   Structure how you will raise the issue, name the troubling behavior and discuss the implication.  Deal with the individual in a positive manner. View them as a work in progress.

Listen to Learn.  Ask what steps the person will take to address the issue now that it has been identified. To have the person respond favorably it will be important to stop talking and start listening.  If you don't listen to them, it is unlikely they will listen to you.  Schedule time to regularly give feedback, it will reduce the anxiety that often surfaces when issues need to be addressed.

Source:  John Agno: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women

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Managing Stress

"Is everything as urgent as your stress would imply?"  Carrie Latet

We live in stressful times.  That is not an understatement. We are hearing about record home foreclosures, a fragile economy, and are watching the value of our investments decline.  Things we have little control over.

Coupled  with this, we are keenly aware of all the many things  we are responsible for -- from managing the home,  maintaining relationships, handling workplace issues, looking after our health, to name  a few.  Then there are all the expectations that others have of us, from spouses, to children, to relatives, to employers, to teachers and neighbors.

Although most of us recognize that moderate stress can help us to perform at a higher level, persistent stress can be debilitating and dangerous. Stress eats away at our ability to manage both our time and our responsibilities.   Hopefully, you are not one of those who want to wear their stress as a badge of honor to show how much you can handle! Beware: Stress has a major impact both physically and psychologically. When we are continually under chronic stress, our body reacts whether we are aware of it or not.

Each of us has a limit beyond which stress becomes toxic, even deadly.  Our resistance is lowered, our performance declines, our mental well being gets derailed. There isn't a quick fix but successful people learn how to manage their stress.

Putting it into Practice

Manage your life, manage your stress.  Routinely create some healthy distance from your difficulties and the expectations of others.  Participate in activities that give you pleasure.  Nurture friendships with those people who make you feel good about yourself.   Try laughing more.  You could also start a Gratitude Journal.  Each day for at least a month write down t hree new things you are grateful for.

Take another perspective.  Look at the stressful situation from various perspectives rather than just your own.   Get input from others. Explore all the possibilities.  Be determined to take action and embrace the change.

We're not talking churchology or religiousity.  Whatever your belief system, it is important to believe in something greater than yourself.  For some, this spiritual journey will be through their   religious pursuits. For others it will be a commitment to practices that illuminates their life purpose or life signature. Then there are those who will simply want to acknowledge that life is a gift and to recognize the importance of taking care of your body with exercise, extra sleep and healthy food.  We recommend you commit to the type of spiritual practice that helps fuel the light that is within. 

Source:    John Agno: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women

Anger: A Second Emotion

"There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them."  Denis Waitley

Whether all these expectations make us angry with ourselves or with someone else, it is helpful to recognize that anger is a second emotion.

Anger can surface as a result of feeling overwhelmed by our roles or by being hurt, mistreated, or misunderstood.  Anger, stems from the messages we tell ourselves that gets us all worked up. This can result from having unmet expectations of another, misplaced assumptions or even inaccurate information. Swallowing your anger or lashing out is not productive. Since anger is a valid emotion that wastes an excessive amount of time, we all need to make our anger works for us.  When someone or something has violated our boundaries or offended us in some way, we need to protect ourselves accordingly.

Putting it into Practice

Anger is a valid emotion.  Since anger is a secondary emotion, pay attention to getting in touch with the primary emotion. Do you have an unrealistic expectation of another? Have you been disappointed?  Have you experienced a lack of respect?  Has someone not trusted you?  It is important to name it, in order to tame it.

We choose our behavior.  Nobody actually "makes" you angry.  We all have the power to choose how we will respond to any given situation.  Decide how you want to respond to achieve the desired outcome.

We are all storytellers.  As mentioned earlier, in addition to brain development, women have been socialized to be relaters and as such one of the first things women will do when angered is to stop talking.   Internally, we begin to expand on the stories we tell ourselves about our predicament. Then we search for information to support the stories we tell our self.  Be careful, because the story grows, often in disproportion to the actual event.  Rather, try using a more assertive approach. 

Address the concerns while still being respectful of yourself and others.  Use 20/20 hindsight.  After the event is over, think about how you handled the situation. Look for the mistakes that were in the story you told yourself, so you don't continue to fall into the same trap.   Identify what worked and what you could do differently the next time.

Let it go.  Forgiveness, although not easy, releases us from the grip of another person or the situation that originally angered us.  Focusing on the wrongdoing merely burdens us, wastes valuable time, and stops us from living more fully. 

 John Agno: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women (ebook at $2.99)

 Barbara A. McEwen: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women--Workbook Edition (paperback at $14.99)

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