Incredibly, nearly all the people in our lives have subtle, or not so subtle, expectations of us. Some expect us to do certain tasks. Others expect us to act in certain ways or to respond to certain situations in a prescribed manner.
We know deep down that we simply cannot meet all these expectations and the more we try to, the more we become frustrated and angry by all the demands people place on us.
Also, we have expectations of ourselves and others. This is an important realization since our expectations come from the way we were raised and it has a gender component.
There is a tendency for each of us to bond most strongly with the same sex parent. Boys certainly love their mothers but may strongly resist being viewed a mamma’s boy. Girls like to compete, hit home runs and are proud to be daddy’s little girl but they are still expected to emulate their mother’s role; behave properly, love babies and be good in the kitchen. This is obviously an over-simplification but the reality is there are numerous subtle expectations.
Having said that, even though girls have been told they can be anything they want to be, as they enter the workplace, they soon discover they are in conflict. They can be a stellar performer but are still expected to conform to societal norms—help plan functions, smooth over relationships, cooperate, know their place and complete tasks in a timely manner.
All the while, in the home, there is little regard given for her executive position. She is still expected to be a supportive wife, an exceptional mother, a good friend and an ideal daughter. What to do about all these expectations?
It’s impossible to be all things to all people. Decide what is important for you. This may fluctuate but be aware that you can choose.
Get your supports in place now! From help with the home, to childcare, to meal preparation, to gift buying, to all sorts of tasks you are expected to perform. Find the people you need whether you pay for services or get friends and relatives, or partner to assist.
Learn to involve others. We cannot stress enough the importance of learning to delegate, teach and train those around you to do what you expect of them. Take the time at work to develop your staff and build their capabilities. At home do the same thing. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If you are constantly playing the female role of picking up after everyone – don’t be surprised when they let you.
Source: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women--Workbook Edition--Paperback $13.41