Incredibly, nearly all the people in our lives have subtle, or not so subtle, expectations of us.
Some expect us to do certain tasks. Others expect us to act in certain ways or to respond to certain situations in a prescribed manner. We have accepted some of those expectations willingly, even joyfully, while others under protest. Deep down inside, we need to admit that we cannot possibly meet all the expectations heaped upon of us.
We know that the more we try, the more disappointed we become in our inability to satisfy them all.
On top of the expectations from others, we also have our own expectations. Some are rooted in the way we were raised, some are influenced by our gender, and some are misperceptions about how someone in our position is expected react. Let’s take a closer look into these expectations—we may be surprised at what we see.
In our culture, women have been raised to be caring, flexible, intuitive, facilitating, and cooperative. We see what needs doing and we aren’t shy about getting it done. These are terrific characteristics. They are skills that women have been socialized to provide, and they are valuable in business. Unfortunately, these expectations wedge women in a double bind.
Even though we might like to compete and hit home runs, we are still expected to emulate society’s ideal of what our role should be: to behave properly, love babies, entertain beautifully, excel in the kitchen, keep a smoothly running and attractive home, remember all family birthdays and anniversaries, remember all family members’ appointments, volunteer, tutor the children, carpool, prepare for holidays, serve as timekeeper for the family schedules, plan vacations and parties, and serve as the entertainment coordinator. And this list is an over-simplification!
Having said that, even though we have been told we can be anything we want to be, as we enter the workplace, we soon discover the Catch-22: no matter how stellar our performance, we are still expected to conform to societal norms. We must host wonderful social events, smooth over bumpy relationships, cooperate even when it is inconvenient, know our place, and complete our tasks in a timely manner. And the workplace doesn’t give a woman credit for balancing work and home.
All the while, at home, most women are given little or no credit for their demanding role at work. We are still expected to be a supportive wife, an exceptional mother, a good friend, a happy homemaker, an effective community volunteer, and an ideal daughter.
What can we to do about all these expectations? Panic? Run away? Drop everything? Grin and bear them?
In the past, those might have been our options, but we’re here to tell you that you can do what you need to do, and still have time to do those things you want to do.
Choose what is right for you.
Let’s face it, it is impossible to be all things for all people.
Acknowledging that fact, we must decide what activities and priorities are most important. Our list may fluctuate frequently, and it definitely will change over time, but we need to be aware that we are making a choice—even if we do nothing more than retain the status quo. Keeping our priorities in mind will help us make good choices in the use of our time, energy, and resources. People who have satisfying lives have chosen to be in the driver’s seat of their lives; they choose what they truly desire, and then they act on their choices.
Every now and then a person runs across a great book that really helps improve the quality of life. This is such a book! Written by top coaches of executive women, Barb McEwen and John Agno, the goal of When Doing It All Won’t Dois to develop solutions and strategies to help women’s lives be easier, richer, happier, and saner.
It’s based on the premise that doing it all won’t do. If you are a woman who is weary and stressed and taking on too much and struggling to juggle it all, this book is dedicated to helping you find the enjoyment and satisfaction you expected with your success.
Well-organized with real solutions and a helpful workbook section, this book focuses on developing your signature talents to do what you do best, developing a formula for success, and prioritizing your values and goals. A great read!
Can working parents really have it all, achieving success in both their careers and as parents?
A resounding 78% of working moms and 83% of working dads say yes, according to CareerBuilder’s Annual Mother’s Day Survey. The definition of success, however, differs by gender.
The survey, conducted on behalf of CareerBuilder by Harris Poll between February 11 and March 6, 2015, explores what it means to be both a full-time parent and a full-time employee in today’s economy – and how experiences differ between men and women. It also explores perceptions of employers, showing you can gain valuable experience for the workplace just from being a parent.
Participants in the study include more than 2,000 employers and 464 working mothers and 340 working fathers with children 18 years old and younger who are living at home with them.
Single Income Households Becoming a New Norm?
The number of working parents who are the sole breadwinners in their households is climbing, and the gap between men and women is closing. Thirty-nine percent of working moms and 43 percent of working dads reported they are the sole financial providers in their homes, up from 31 percent and 37 percent, respectively, in 2014.
Working dads were significantly more likely to report they currently earn their desired salaries – 28 percent compared to 17 percent of working moms.
While the vast majority of working moms feel they can have it all, only half (52 percent) said they are equally successful in their jobs and as parents. Roughly one third (34 percent) of working moms report they’re more successful as a parent, compared to 32 percent of men. Working dads were more likely to say they are more successful in their careers than as parents – 19 percent compared to 15 percent of women.
The Definition of Success
When identifying factors that define success in their careers, working moms were more likely to point to how much money they earn – 53 percent compared to 45 percent of men. However, a six-figure salary isn’t necessarily at the top of the list for working moms. Only 17 percent of working moms said they need to earn six figures in order to feel successful, compared to 39 percent of men.
Four out of five working moms (82 percent) and working dads (80 percent) say the top factor defining success for them is the ability to provide for their families. However, working moms were more likely to stress the importance of enjoying the work they do (77 percent compared to 60 percent of working dads). Working dads were more likely to say they define success by whether their family is proud of what they do (42 percent compared to 35 percent of working moms).
Balancing Work and Family
On average, working moms report spending more time with their children each day than working dads; however, they are also more likely to report work has negatively affected their parenting.
During the typical workweek, half of working moms (57 percent) spend four or more hours with their children every day, and 35 percent of working dads do the same. Only 6 percent of working moms say they spend an hour or less with their children each day, compared to 13 percent of working dads who do the same.
Despite spending more quality time with their children, working moms are nearly twice as likely as working dads to say their job has negatively affected their relationships with their children – 25 percent of working moms versus 13 percent of working dads.
Women are also more likely than men to say being a parent has caused their professional work to suffer – 17 percent of working moms versus 9 percent of working dads.
Three Ways to Gain More Flexibility at Work (And Make More Time for Family)
“Employers are increasingly open to providing flexible work arrangements to employees so long as they can maintain a high level of productivity,” says Rosemary Haefner, chief human resources officer of CareerBuilder and working mom. Haefner suggests approaching your manager to see if any of the following options work for you.
Flexible work hours: More companies are moving away from traditional schedules to help employees achieve a better work/life balance. Ask your boss if you can come in later or leave earlier on certain days, enabling you to get your kids to school or daycare, run errands during less hectic times or take care of other priorities.
Work remotely: Some companies may provide the option to work from home or a remote office, helping you spend less time (and money) commuting and more flexibility with how you choose to spend that saved time.
Compressed hours: Instead of working five eight-hour days, see if it’s possible to work four 10-hour days, giving you one extra day during the week to take care of personal errands or appointments – or simply relax.
Is Being a Parent Résumé Material?
Parents new to the workforce or looking to jump back in may find raising children has equipped them with a marketable set of skills. Sixty-nine percent of employers believe the skills acquired by being a parent can qualify as relevant experience in the corporate world. The experience parents gain that employers find most valuable are:
Patience – 67 percent
Ability to multi-task – 62 percent
Time management – 59 percent
Conflict management – 51 percent
Problem-solving – 51 percent
Empathy – 43 percent
Mentoring – 40 percent
Negotiation – 37 percent
Budgeting and managing finances – 36 percent
Project management – 30 percent
Nearly 1 in 10 working moms (8 percent) have included their parenting skills in their resume or cover letter.
Survey Methodology
This survey was conducted online within the U.S. by Harris Poll on behalf of CareerBuilder among 2,138 hiring managers and human resource professionals, 464 working moms and 340 working dads of kids 18 and under living in their household (employed full-time, not self-employed, non-government) between February 11 and March 6, 2015 (percentages for some questions are based on a subset, based on their responses to certain questions). With pure probability samples of 2,138, 464 and 340, one could say with a 95 percent probability that the overall results have a sampling error of +/-2.12, +/- 4.55 and +/- 5.31 percentage points, respectively. Sampling error for data from sub-samples is higher and varies.
Every now and then a person runs across a great book that really helps improve the quality of life. This is such a book! Written by top coaches of executive women, Barb McEwen and John Agno, the goal of When Doing It All Won’t Dois to develop solutions and strategies to help women’s lives be easier, richer, happier, and saner.
It’s based on the premise that doing it all won’t do. If you are a woman who is weary and stressed and taking on too much and struggling to juggle it all, this book is dedicated to helping you find the enjoyment and satisfaction you expected with your success.
Well-organized with real solutions and a helpful workbook section, this book focuses on developing your signature talents to do what you do best, developing a formula for success, and prioritizing your values and goals. A great read!
Few of today’s senior managers had their own mothers as professional role models. They were more likely to be among the first women to rise to high-ranking jobs in their companies or fields.
A growing number of women managers and professionals today, however, are mentoring their own daughters—sometimes in the same fields—as the young women build careers.
Taking on this new maternal role as a professional mentor can be challenging. These relationships can be rewarding, but also fraught with tension, as young women strive for independence and mothers walkthe line between giving needed guidance and meddling too much.
Privacy Policy We use third-party advertising companies to serve ads when you visit our website. These companies may use information (not including your name, address, email address, or telephone number) about your visits to this and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you.
For example, Google, as a third party vendor, uses a DART cookie to serve ads on this site based upon your visit to our sites and other sites on the Internet. You may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting Google ad and content network privacy policy at: www.google.com/privacy_ads.html.
If you would like more information about this practice and to know your choices about not having this information used by these companies, please contact the Network Advertising Initiative (NAI) at (207) 467-3500 or www.networkadvertising.org.
