Women have been conditioned to feel "they have to." Since we were young we've been taught to believe that hard work, determination and looking after others will get us what we want -- even if we are not the nurturing kind.
I can't tell you how many times, as a coach, I hear how female clients allow others to set expectations for them. Direct reports continue to manage up. All the employee has to say is, "I can't do this, or I haven't the time" and the female manager will begrudgingly take on the job. They do it because they're used to picking up whether it is for family or direct reports. They are acting motherly or womanly... falling into a cleanup role, often to their disadvantage.
And they're resentful and frustrated because they thought this made them successful. Unfortunately, it is just this type of behavior that has stifled their career. They are viewed as being taken advantage of and seen as ineffective in developing their team, nor are they embracing the power of their position. This behavior sends the subtle message -- women are busy taking care while men are busy taking charge.
Putting it into Practice
Hard work doesn't guarantee the results you want. Remind yourself that the willing horse gets the heavy load but not necessarily the promotion. You are accountable to your boss to see that tasks come in on time and on budget.
However, it is also your role to ensure that staff are fully trained, given the right supports and undertake full responsibility for their assigned duties.
Wish you had a wife? Most working women quickly acknowledge that they wish they did. You have two choices- you can stop thinking about all the chores that need doing befo re you can relax, or you can choose to get the right supports in place to help you manage the tasks that need doing.
Manage the home. In most households, the house work is not evenly divided. Don't allow this to drive you into a martyr role that will adversely affect your family relationships. If you view yourself as a good manager, don't ignore your manager's role in the home.
Source: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women
Comments