Career Women Coaching

The Best Is Yet To Come: Living A Balanced Life

By Guest Author Lucinda Bassett

The power to fulfill our dreams is within each of us.
We alone have the responsibility to shape our lives.
When we understand this, we know that nothing,
and no one, can deny us greatness. We are the ones
pushing ourselves forward or holding ourselves back.
The power to succeed or fail is ours alone. - - Unknown

  

Living a balanced life is something we all strive to achieve. We want great things for ourselves and our loved ones and we want some degree of control over our lives. We want to be able to take what life throws at us and thrive as we learn and grow from each and every life situation. But many of us have not yet learned how to do that. In fact, a large majority of people believe that the notion of a balanced life is a myth.

That's because when there's too much to do and no time to do it, we live in constant stress and anxiety. But with the help of this book, we are learning another way. There is a path that can help us find a better sense of balance in our personal and professional lives, in our spiritual interdependent self, and in our relationships. But we must understand how balance works and what it means to each of us individually. That's the only way we can create the life we want.

Definition of Balance

We all would agree that balance is an essential component of happiness. The dictionary defines balance as a stable mental or psychological state; emotional stability; a harmonious or satisfying or proportion of parts or elements.

I liken a balanced life to a four-legged chair. Each leg represents a component of your life, such as mental, emotional, spiritual, and personal. The idea is to keep the legs of the chair the same length so your life won't become lopsided. For example, if you work excessively and you don't make time for your family, the personal leg of the chair will be too short and your life will feel shaky, because you'll be off-balance. If the legs of the chair don't match - - if one part of your life is ignored or given short shrift - - no matter how much energy you give to the other legs, you'll still have to battle stress, anxiety, and depression. But when the legs of your chair (the parts of your life) are equally nurtured and strengthened, you will feel strong, in control, and up to handling whatever hand life deals you.

Leading a balanced life requires a very personal determination, according to life coach Jerry Lopper. He maintains that what feels like balance to one person may feel way off balance to another. But essentially, lack of balance in any area will cause you to be over-whelmed, whether in your career, your family life, or both. It feels as if something is missing, as if there's a void in your center and you have no idea how to fill it. Lopper believes that this kind of existence lacks meaning and purpose, and as a result, you may feel depressed, lethargic, or deeply sad that "this is all there is."

By contrast, Lopper says hopefully, a balanced life just feels right, as if things are exactly the way they should be. Despite the normal ups and downs in an average day, when your life is balanced, you are an active participant, fully engaged, and finding meaning in all that you do and in who you are. Lopper has designated "the five P's"as the fundamentals of life:

1. Purpose - - finding your mission in life
2. Passion - - finding what you love to do
3. Powers - - exercising your unique strengths and abilities 
4. Principles - - discovering what you value 
5. Perspective - - discovering what you believe

 Copyright © 2010 Lucinda Bassett, author of The Solution: Conquer Your Fear, Control Your Future.

Paying Attention to Your Intentions

Your word has as much power as you give to it. 

If you say one thing and do another, you dilute the power of your word.  To empower your word, you must align your attention with your intention.

For example, if you are an incessant gossiper and want to stop gossiping, simply set your intention.  If you find yourself lapsing, give no power to the unwanted behavior. 

Every time you bring your attention to your intention, you amplify the power of your word.  Your word has the power to change your life.

If it is love you want to express, set your intention to be more loving.  Turn your attention inward, and recommit yourself to your spiritual intention: "I set the intention to be more loving in my speech."

Align your attention with your intention, and watch as the power of your word transforms every area of your life.

Source: Science of Mind, July 2003

The formula for success = your human capital (what you know) times your social capital (who you know) times your reputation (who trusts you).

Deflationary Drop in Wages

To an extent rarely seen in recessions since the Great Depression, wages for a swath of the labor force this time have taken a sharp and swift fall.

The only other downturn since the Depression to see similarly large wage cuts was the 1981-82 recession.  But the latest downturn is already eclipsing that one.  Unemployment has stood above 9% for 20 straight months—longer than the early 1980s stretch—and is likely to remain above that level for most of 2011, putting downward pressure on wages.

Many laid-off workers who have found new jobs are taking pay cuts or settling for part-time work when they get new ones, sometimes taking jobs far below their skill levels.   There are 14.5 million people on the unemployment rolls, including 6.4 million who have been jobless for more than six months.

Between 2007 and 2009, more than half the full-time workers who lost jobs that they had held for at least three years and then found new full-time work by early last year reported wage declines, according to the Labor Department.  Thirty-six percent reported the new job paid at least 20% less than the one they lost.  

The severity of the latest downturn makes it likely that many of the unemployed who get rehired will take wage cuts, and that it will be years, if ever, before many of their wages return to pre-recession levels, says Columbia University labor economist Till von Wachter. "The deeper the recession, the lower the wage you're going to get in the next job and the lower the quality of your next job," he says.

In California, former auto worker Maria Gregg was out of work five months last year before landing a new job—at a nearly 20% pay cut.   Ms. Gregg, 45,  says at least she had a chance to prepare for tougher times.  The factory had warned workers seven months earlier that it was closing. "I was preparing myself beforehand and getting all my bills lowered," she says.

She recently joined a start-up energy technology firm.  The pay is $28 an hour, $6 less than in her prior job, but she jumped at it.  Though she's already cut back on travel, eating out and shopping to adjust and with her income cut from $1,200 a week at the  auto plant, she wonders how she might make up the wage gap over time.

Source: The Wall Street Journal, January 11, 2011

Maximize Your Energy

Most of us don't have enough reserve energy to fuel the super-productivity we may wish to achieve in the time available.  This energy drain often stems from the growing societal demand to literally make every second count. 

According to a study from the Future Foundation (a London-based think tank), we are rapidly approaching a 24-hour society.  "Information technology makes it possible to operate around the clock, increasing the pressure to do so," says an article in the Futurist.  The result is increased customer demand to have services available at all hours.  Coping with this frantic pace can be draining.

Here are some ideas for increasing your energy levels:

1.  Get a check-up.   Fatigue is a symptom, not a disease.  Therefore, if you suffer from constant fatigue, a trip to your family physician may be a good idea. 

The causes of chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) are not well understood.  Neither are the treatments.  However, as the name implies, those who suffer from CFS are chronically exhausted and need specialized medical attention.

If you're wasting time every day because you're just too tired to concentrate or focus, see your doctor.  There may very well be a medical reason for your fatigue.

2.  Eat light and right.  Big meals can make you sleepy.  What is the reason?  Depending on your diet, 50 to 80 percent of the energy produced by digesting food is consumed by the act of digestion itself.  The more energy that digestion takes, the less energy the food provides the rest of the body.  It takes more energy to digest cooked and processed food and much less to digest fruits, vegetables, grains and nuts.  Try to eat more of the latter.  They're easier on your digestive system and you gain more energy from them.

3.  Reduce caffeine and sugar.  Caffeine and sugar aren't particularly healthy.  However, many people use both as short-term energy boosters--in moderation.  Sugar has virtually no nutritional value.  Eating sugar tends to rob the body of its nutrient stores.  It also causes drastic swings in blood sugar levels, stressing the adrenal glands.  Coffee, which can give you a temporary lift in energy, also weakens the adrenals.

4.  Get enough sleep.   Numerous studies indicate that most people need eight hours of sleep, yet an increasing number get far less.  We are working longer, staying up later, and getting up earlier.  Workers who sleep less so they can work more and get more done may in fact be accomplishing the opposite.  The National Sleep Foundation estimates overtired employees cost American business $18 billion annually in errors and slowness, according to an article in Forbes.

5.   "Finish every day and be done with it," advised poet Ralph Waldo Emerson.  "You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; but get rid of them and forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day, and you should never encumber its potentialities and invitation with the dread of the past.  You should not waste a moment of today on the rottenness of yesterday."

 Robert Bly: Make Every Second Count: Time Management Tips and Techniques for More Success With Less Stress

In Your Wardrobe at Work, Comfort is Paramount

Career women have a lot to learn from the way men shop.   Menswear designer Thom Browne says that he couldn't use a fabric unless it felt good "to the hand," because men won't buy uncomfortable clothing.

Unlike men, women frequently settle for garments that don't fit well and don't feel good.     Sometimes, women have little choice.  It has long been an irritating truth that men are offered better-quality clothes for lower prices.  Many fashionable women's clothes—including plenty sold at luxury prices—are made relatively cheaply. "Women do get shortchanged in the market," says Patrick Gigliotti, a menswear salesman at the venerable Boyd's Philadelphia department store.  Some women who value well-made clothing have even resorted to shopping in menswear departments.

One reason for the quality difference is trendiness: Because womenswear is more faddish, there's a perception in the fashion industry that the clothes will be thrown away more quickly.  Indeed, fast fashion has trained a generation to seek out throwaway styles.

Yet tailoring should matter.  Women are always looking for clothes that will lift their bottoms and smooth their bulges. That's exactly the kind of magic that tailoring works. Luckily, with a little education about the way sophisticated men shop, it is possible to buy good-quality womenswear.

A first step is to put less focus on the brand.  Logos don't guarantee fine craftsmanship.  Dozens of luxury womenswear brands make high-quality fashions.  

Rather than being blinded by branding, use it only as a starting point.   When you like a garment, grab the fabric and crunch it up—ignoring any gasps you hear from the womenswear sales staff, who are not accustomed to these maneuvers.  If the cloth stays wrinkled or feels scratchy, considering moving on.

Loose threads and ragged seams are signs of poor construction.  Look for seams that have been carefully rolled and folded before being stitched down or have been "taped," or sewn over with a narrow strip of fabric.

In pants, the waistband is particularly important, as it provides structure and must hold up to sweat, pressure and twisting.  In well-tailored pants, the waistband will have two layers of lining, with some structural seams in between.

A good jacket starts with a shoulder that permits comfortable movement and isn't so stuffed with foam padding that it looks awkward with the arm raised.

While you're peering inside the garment, check out the width of the fabric in the seams. Is there enough to allow the garment to be let out, if necessary? While good men's clothing is manufactured to be altered, women often have to buy a size larger and then cut the garment down—which can be more costly and difficult.

It's a good idea to ask where the garment—and sometimes the fabric—were manufactured.  The country of origin can be an indicator of quality, and it's certainly a fair indicator of price.

Only after a garment has passed all these tests is it time to try it on. Be sure you can raise your arm in a shirt or jacket and that you can squat (without making the knees baggy) in pants. See if you can breathe easily. There should be no stretch marks across the torso and no gaping buttons.

Source: The Wall Street Journal, January 6, 2011

For a free ebook that is a guidebook for the Career Women's Dress Code, send an email to [email protected] with "Career Women's Dress Code" in the subject line and we will send you this pdf document as an attachment to our email message.

To reclaim your time and life: "When Doing It All Won't Do: A self-coaching guide for career women" by Barbara McEwen & John G. Agno.  

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