by Martha S. Samuelson, president and C.E.O. of the Analysis Group, a consulting firm
Q. Mentoring is clearly important to you.
A. I’ve had wonderful mentors along the way, and I enjoy doing that for the next generation very much. Maybe there are some people who are going to get there no matter what, but most of us need a lot of help along the way. Everyone needs to figure out how to find mentors.
Q. So what’s your advice on how to find mentors?
A. One of the greatest mistakes people make with mentors is they try to snow them, as opposed to asking for help. I think picking a mentor for political reasons is a big mistake. Find somebody you like, and figure out how to make it safe and comfortable for somebody to help you.
Don’t make it toxic for somebody to say, “You could have done this better.” Communicate with them so they know what you’re doing and they know what you’re concerned about, and make it safe for them to give you feedback.
When I look at the people who I think are racing along in my firm right now, that’s the skill they have. They make it really safe. They make you want to help them and they make it really easy, so you can go to them and say, “Why did you do this?” and they’re 10 steps ahead of you.
They’ll say: “I don’t know why I did it. I must have been thinking about this. Now it’s obvious to me.” Then you want to go back and help them again.
Source: The New York Times, November 7, 2010
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One of the precious WIAL coinahcg concepts, emphasized by Dr. Bea, is that of leaving team members at choice. And though there are certain structural elements that must be adhered to, the at-choice notion brings forth at least two options for this challenge:1. Ask the team, Who would like to respond to the question, What leadership skills be beneficial to us as non-leaders on this team' ? This might offer the opportunity to reflect on the various leadership skills and choose some of them that might apply.2. Similar to Cleo's contribution, it might be appropriate to ask the team what teaming (or communication or coinahcg skills) would help the team be successful? Remembering that one of the core tenets of AL is to promote learning, leaving participants at-choice in what they prefer to learn can be motivational and energizing.
Posted by: Milko | 04/26/2012 at 02:27 PM
Thank you so much for being brave and upfront about your thtughos on this. Your honesty is refreshing and impressive.Full disclosure: I'm a woman and I'm on the e-board of the Women's Resource Center. I absolutely can't speak for the WRC as whole and this statement is coming from me as an individual, but I can tell you that masculinity is something we talk and think about A LOT in the WRC, especially lately. We actually just had a series of discussions with students and professors (part of the weekly Consciousness-Raising series) about masculinity and men's involvement in feminism that really got a lot of us thinking. Yeah, our name doesn't reflect it (yet..?) but one thing to keep in mind is that the WRC just re-opened 2 years ago and we're still playing catch up for everything that's changed in feminism and society as a whole over the past 30 years so we badly need your help of people like you and the other commenting folks who are thinking about stuff like this. I agree with you: there is SUCH a lack of resources for men thinking about masculinity and re-defining what it mean's to be a man.If you're interested in talking more about this or setting up kind of event, group, whatever, please email me: . If you (or anyone) has any interest in talking to the WRC board about how we can better serve both men and women, we have open weekly leadership meetings Wednesdays at 5pm in the WRC.Thanks again.
Posted by: Lourdes | 07/15/2012 at 10:38 AM
I know that I am woman so my commenting on this is a litlte.. erm.. odd. I could not resist because I agree wholeheartedly with you. There is not enough serious discussion about what it means being a man in modern society. I do know that we are not alone in feeling this way. You should check out the blog: The Art of Manliness. It is a blog devoted to discussing what being a modern man means. It is a community of men and some women who feel exactly the same as you do.
Posted by: Yerelin | 07/15/2012 at 08:03 PM